Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Change is simple. That doesn't mean it's easy.

Change is hard.  Or it can be.  Or, sometimes it is only as difficult as our minds tell us it might be.  Things may block us that exist only inside us, instead of being actual obstacles.  The mind is so powerful that it can be the worst impediment of all.   

We are human:  we flail around, make bad choices, do stupid things, date the wrong people, forget to learn anything.  We forget to listen to ourselves.

Sometimes we know we want to change, but do not know how, or what to do.  We just KNOW that something needs to be different.   Sometimes we do bad things simply because we cannot think of anything else to do…. and we are afraid of the alternatives.  We drink to dull the pain of living instead of changing what we do so we aren't living with that pain all the time.  We insult other people's flaws instead of dealing with our own inner failings.  We have affairs instead of facing the hard truth of having to fix our marriage or get divorced.  We join a cult, or are slavishly devoted to following a pop star, or numb ourselves with soap operas, to avoid the confusion and fear of thinking for ourselves.   

I put this in terms of spiritual potato chips:  non-nutritive, yet delicious and filling.  It is so easy to unconsciously fill our brains and hearts with the junk food of life.  Bringing awareness to our choices is the beginning of positive movement.

spring always brings new growth and change


On the flip side of this, is when people we love begin to change:  what do we do?  Of course, the simple answer is that we either adjust, or we do not… and if the changes that our loved ones make do not fit with us anymore, then we can choose to compassionately withdraw our energy from them.  But again, the simple answer is not always the easiest one.  

To borrow a piece of advice from Carey Tennis, I quote:

"People change.  Things happen that they won't talk about, and we lose them.  They retreat into dark, impenetrable recesses where they speak a private language of suffering, and we cannot find them, and when we try to find them they lash out at us as if we had trespassed against them.  We see them in the streets; we work with them; they are in our families; they go about their days in dark and secret woundedness, alone and angry, unloved, unwilling or unable to admit what trauma or degradation or series of gradual insults turned them away from us.  They find solace in glamorous leaders and fanciful beliefs and poisonous cults in the same way that having reached the limit of one's pain and loneliness and demoralization, one turns to a drug."  (to view the original context, go here)

I have been on almost every side of this issue of change.  I have been the one who disappears into the abyss.  I have been the one who climbs out.  I have been the one who turned away, when my husband, bless him, stood by my side and tried to help.  I have been the one who loved someone who changed, for better, and then also for worse.  At one time for me, the thought of suicide was preferable to the thought of divorce.  Later on, the thought of divorce was preferable to the one of suicide.  Changes were made.

Sometimes the compassionate thing to do is just move on.

Corazón sagrado             Ellen Santistevan, 2011


I have some clients who come to see me specifically to address "stuckness" in their lives.  Perhaps their body hurts, has hurt for a long time, and they have reached a plateau in their healing.  Some clients come to see me because they just feel bad, and they don't know why, but they heard bodywork can help the mind and spirit.  Some arrive because their body is shouting at them to loosen old patterns of movement, or to release old traumas.  The old ways are not serving them anymore.  They recognize that it is time.... and the time to change becomes an imperative.

In changing, we let go of fear, and embrace love.  In loving ourselves fully, in accepting our shadow side, in being compassionate to ourselves, we learn to truly love and be compassionate for others.  As a practitioner, I hold a loving and compassionate space for you to do your own growth and change.  You are not alone on your journey.

Trust yourself.  Love yourself.  Listen to yourself.  Know what needs to change.

No more spiritual potato chips.