Monday, January 2, 2012

A new year

On Christmas Eve, I went through a spiritual cleansing that removed the demons of doubt and loss of faith and fear of 'not making it', and I was told that for three days, Jesus himself was within me to help me through some of the effects of the experience.  On Christmas morning I had a wonderful vision that I know was a spiritual gift to me, and I am still figuring out what to do with it.  For now, all I can do is sit with it and let the meaning come to me.  (In case you are wondering, I had the distinct vision and physical sensation of growing a large pair of grey wings.  They are still there)

I have had, over the last few years, a whole lot of spiritual questions and experiences, which is odd for me because I was never really a very spiritual person until a couple of years ago.  Or, rather, let me say that my experience of spirituality was strongly curtailed and censored in my childhood by a father who was controlling and rigid; and not very understanding of the foibles and quirks of humanity and Source. As a child, I understood that everything and everyone has a spirit;  that the rocks and the trees, and of course all the animals and flowers, all have a spirit.  I was told that was superstitious and wrong.  It was wrong because if everything had a spirit, then I would have to spend all my time propitiating the spirits so that nothing bad would happen to me.  That was not the way I understood things, but since that was what I was told by my father, I accepted his version as the truth instead.  (After all, what does a little girl know?  How could I be right and he be wrong?  I certainly never saw that as a possibility until I was a middle aged woman.)

I do enjoy it when I meet a person, especially a religious leader like a priest,  who seems to have a grasp of what being connected to God or Source really means -- and is not just concerned with the paperwork of fulfilling their administrative duties or perfunctorily counseling people with no depth of understanding or hearing confessions because it's what they have to do (not that they have any feeling for it).  Too many religious leaders (and followers, I must add) make religious practice into something rote to say and do that fulfills some sense of duty, but how many people really find their hearts soaring (or quaking!) like they might when they really encounter the Spirit of Love?

The first time I ever met someone who embodies Love, I was scared sh*tless.  I understood finally the story of the shepherds in the bible when the angels come to them and they were "sore afraid".  It is scary to stand in the presence of Unconditional Love when you have never seen it before.  It took me a long time to unfold myself, peel enough layers of protection off myself, to be able to look him in the eyes and speak from my heart.  But with his help and support over time, now I too am more able to Be Love in my own life, for my family, for my sweetheart, for my clients.  And the changes are tangible for everyone.

In my experience, all the religions, both ancient and modern, approach the ineffable, but fall short because we are merely human, and not every soul is evolved or can recognize that there is truth to be found everywhere.  As well, probably about 95% of the leaders and adherents of every church are very rigid in their faith as well -- the tribalism of religion is one of the many ways that people exert power over each other and control the group, rather than recognizing the simple truth that we have only a few real choices here on earth:  

1)  live in Love, or live in Fear
2)  live in Compassion, or live in Indifference 
3)  live in Truth, or live in Deception

and the other thing that is very clear to me is that we get lots of chances to learn our lessons and evolve -- not just one lifetime but as many as it takes to 'get it'.  

If we are awake, and aware, and desirous of momentous change in our lives and the lives of those we care about, we all have the capacity to live these three truths.  May we all have an abundantly blessed year, evolve our thinking and being, and strive always to do our best and hold ourselves in compassion and respect as much as we do for others.