Saturday, December 14, 2013

Fear part 2: Love and Intimacy, or; it turns out I was practicing Tantra and didn't even know it.

from NeilHague.com


I had an intense experience a few months ago, in which I channeled "Christ Consciousness" during a session with a client.  Normally, Jesus is not one of my guides, so I was surprised when he showed up, tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to ask my client if she prayed when she was in her most severe times of pain.  She responded that she did, but it didn't seem to help.  Jesus had me tell her that to receive Spirit (and healing) she couldn't direct the outcome, the delivery, or what was gifted to her.  

He then proceeded to talk quite a lot about the nature of healing, and the nature of being open to Spirit.  What was most amazing was that he showed me a  small glimpse of what it is like to be reunited with Spirit -- that is, with 100% acceptance, 100% love, no fear, no shame, no guilt.  It was startling, but so beautiful.  He talked about why people stray, what leads them into vice, and it was all about fear.  He said he never blamed anyone for making those choices, because he also remembered what it was like to be in a human body, and the sense of fear that comes from being separated from Spirit is so intense that it can cause people to seek the sense of unity in ways that aren't very good for us.  Various forms of intoxication, whether through drink, or drugs, or sex, are thus merely attempts to get beyond the sense of isolation we feel when we are stuck in our bodies.   

from lightworkers.org


Unfortunately, my client really wasn't able to HEAR his words, because she is very stuck in her narrow mindset of what being a "christian" means to her.  To this woman, the only way to connect with God is through an organized religion and very strict rules…. and even then, you might not pass the test, and be condemned forever.  

Ka-blam!  No heaven for you!


I have written before of "spiritual potato chips", that is, spiritual beliefs and practices that are filling and delicious, but not nutritive… they do not feed the soul.  What I came to understand through my work is that the practice of constant presence and self-awareness is what allows me to deeply listen to another person and to be able to hold space for whoever I am with, as well as to be able to connect to Spirit easily.  Coincidentally, I just read a book by Daniel Odier about the Tantra, and it turns out that I have been practicing tantric awareness without even knowing anything about it.  Deep intimacy can occur much more easily when you practice your awareness, and in this way, we can overcome the feeling of isolation through connection not only with other people, but with animals, the elements, all of nature that is there just waiting for us to wake up.

Intimacy is not the same as sex.  It is not the same as being nude.  We call it that, "getting intimate", but at that level only our bodies that are getting to know each other's shapes, scents, and preferences;  scars, lumps, stretch marks and other sources of personal body shame get in the way of this process.  We might hide ourselves in the dark, under the covers, instead of celebrating our glorious wholeness.  We do not expect to be accepted for what we look like underneath the makeup and the clothing, and this is painful to be sure.

Everyone is absolutely unique.  A most important thing is that every body deserves love and acceptance for exactly who and how they are in the moment.  When we do not get that from ourselves, or from a friend, or a partner, what happens to us?  We might internalize criticism in a self-hating emotional loop.  We may experience dis-ease and dysfunction of the physical system.  Our bodies are designed by nature to receive nurturing touch, and as many cruel scientific experiments have shown, we can even die without it.  

As a massage therapist, I see a huge variety in bodies.  Part of my service to humanity is to provide nurturing touch to people;  to witness their wholeness;  to hold space for their experience as they may wrestle with a whole raft of new emotions (and old, buried emotion) as the body releases what is stored.  For some clients, this is profoundly frightening -- and yet, the catharsis and reintegration of healthier attitudes and recognition of ourselves as resilient, strong, WHOLE people.  

I have another client who is going through some really intense transformation, which scares her.  She told me our sessions have become very "risky" for her emotionally-- and yet, she begged me, "Don't let me stop."   This process, despite its inherent risk to her carefully constructed world, is allowing her to look at herself intimately, perhaps for the first time, in a gentle, accepting, and loving way.  I am so grateful, and honored, to be a part of her process, even as she struggles, and I witness her.