In the polarity world, just like any other community, we have our catch phrases, like "Get the most out of neutral" and "Shift Happens". We just need a t-shirt to make it go viral :-)
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| Wouldn't this make a nifty t-shirt? These are called recursive waves. |
In a personal sense, neutral is the space where change occurs. As we grow and adjust ourselves, often there is a huge amount of change that goes on for a while, and then it sort of plateaus, and with luck you get the time to settle in and notice what happens. As practitioners, by opening space in the body, we also open space in the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms as well. By holding space for our clients, we allow them the room to expand, change, move. In the bodywork, we often induce movement, and then allow for stillness. The stillness is where things happen.
"Getting the most out of neutral" also refers to the neutral, compassionate, nonjudgmental stance we take as therapists. This was the motto of my Polarity Training class, and we thought it was so funny, because typically, if you think of a car, you don't get anywhere in neutral. But in polarity work, it refers to that state of being where we are neither too expanded or contracted, where we are in balance with our mind, body and spirit. We are "standing steady in the shifting sands", ready to respond to the next wave that comes along. We get out of our own way, in order to allow the space for our clients to have their own experience. There is also the neutral pole of every triad that we work with, which tends to be located in the core of the body, the deepest parts of us, where we experience peace.
I recently saw a wonderful quote in another polarity practitioner's office: it is not change that takes time, it is the decision to change that takes time... once the decision to change has been made, the change is rapid. When you are ready, SHIFT HAPPENS. When you go through a shift, you feel what you need to feel, let go what you don't need anymore, and let the earth and sky take back what you let go of. As you lift each layer, more of your beauty shines through. A friend of mine who has been studying Lomi (sacred Hawai'ian massage and philosophy) told me that this concept of space and letting go is akin to something she was reading about in the Hawai'ian philosophy -- that our lives begin as empty bowls filled with light… For each burden we acquire, we place a stone into that bowl. The more burdens we carry, the more that light is blocked by the heavy stones. Only when we begin to let go of those stones, those burdens, will our light shine through again and allow us to be light again in our bodies and spirits. Again, there is that concept of giving ourselves a neutral, quiet, healing space.
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| (tulip photo by tom debrayanna) |
Stillness and quiet are important to me. I like to notice things in the stillness… what is happening between the inhale and the exhale, in the moment before a kiss, in the hesitation before speaking, in the time between sleep and awakening. It is in the stillness that my intuition speaks to me. I love to live in NM because of the quality of light that exists here and nowhere else. That light speaks to me as well.
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| The ocean offers us deep motion and immense stillness at the same time photo by tom debrayanna |
I was talking with a close friend last week about energy work, and about this whole idea of providing loving, compassionate, neutral space for others. He is a retired social worker, so he understands the neutral stance, but isn't sure about the loving and compassionate part (despite the fact that he is extremely good at doing just that, I think he does not recognize it in himself). I told him that this is what I am here on earth do … I can love anyone for an hour while they are on my table, and then let them go. I can notice things without judging them. I truly believe that it is this aspect of my work that allows their healing to occur, and for sure this is why I am so attracted to Polarity work.
Anyway, he asked me this question: by being open to love without attachment, what am I giving up? My answer is that I have to give up any expectation that what I am doing will have any effect at all for my client, because in truth, it is the other person who must do their own changing. I am a facilitator, I hold that safe and sacred space for them, but I am not a "fixer". Mechanics fix things. I cannot do that. And yet, I have seen profound things happen for my clients, things that amaze both them and me. It is hugely humbling for me to get to be a part of their experience, and I am grateful to be able to be a witness for them, to honor what they go through, and to be with them through it.
In recognizing my role, I have changed much of how I behave in friendships and family relationships, and especially in how I behave in intimate relationships. Where previously I undoubtedly held on tight to expectations of others and how they "should" act, now I can allow people the space they need to be human on their own terms. I can be compassionate with myself as well as with others, and give myself the space to be human too. It gives me the space to react with love instead of fear. And when people in my life respond in loving ways, I get to be in a state of nearly continual noticing, appreciation, and gratitude. It's a good place to be in.
Believe me, though, it is still work. I still do get in into my times of expecting people, especially family, to behave in certain ways, and I can get disappointed or have my feelings hurt too. But the difference is that now I allow those feelings to pass through. I can notice them, honor them, and let them go. And almost always, things turn out better than I could have hoped for in the first place.
Happy Mothers' Day, everyone. Go out and love your children, love your mothers, and don't forget to honor the fathers without whom there would be no mothers or children.
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| I love my kids. All teenagers, and these are the first macaroni cards they ever made for me. |
